Turkey Bowl 2013: MVP Watch


Which one of these strapping young men will take home the 2013 Turkey Bowl MVP?

I know this isn’t anything related to Chicago sports. I know you miss reading my fantastic breakdowns, my wittiness and anything else you enjoy about COBS. Chalk my lack of blog consistency up to laziness. One of these days, I’ll get back to the level of blogging you deserve, but for now, the Turkey Bowl is the most important thing on my mind.

For the 14th (?) consecutive year, 20+ guys who’ve known each other for as long as any of them can remember gather around Stein Field (Veterans) on the morning of Thanksgiving Day for a couple of hours of competitive flag football. To me, it’s the greatest game on earth. When all is said and done, a MVP award is handed out (ever since 2006), everyone meets up at Wiener Take All, and the anticipation for next year’s Turkey Bowl takes over. In all honesty, I couldn’t care less who wins MVP or who even wins or loses; I play because there’s absolutely nothing more fun than playing football with your 20 best friends one day each year. That being said, when I’m sitting in a hotel room in Cleveland for three nights and finding that my flight has been delayed when I’m already boarded onto the plane, I start thinking about all the great memories this game has brought me and what I can do to get the competitive juices flowing a little bit between now and Thanksgiving day. I figure talkin’ smack and breaking down each person’s case for MVP would be a good place to start. So without further ado, I present to you the greatest column ever written.

The Contenders

Adam Levy (a.k.a. Me): The 2012 MVP is back to defend what’s his after helping lead his team back from a 4-1 deficit last year to win 5-4 in epic fashion. As the “other quarterback” within this group, yours truly got the best of Ross Feldgreber in that game by going H.A.M. and making it an Captureabsolute priority to take down the man that everyone hates losing to. My style of play under center can best be described as some sort of a Michael Vick/Alex Smith/Matt Flynn hybrid for my incredible ability to scramble and make things happen outside the pocket (Vick), avoid turnovers (Smith), inability to stay off the ground and avoid injuries (Vick), and inability to throw a ball longer than roughly 20 yards downfield (Flynn). Nevertheless, just like in fantasy sports, I always draft a solid team, and this year won’t be any different. We’re comin’ for Feldgreber and, most importantly, I’m comin’ after my second consecutive MVP award.

Ross Feldgreber (a.k.a. The Gegger, a.k.a The Chin Heimer): The Gegger can deny it all he wants, but god knows he was not a happy camper after last year’s choke job. He hates losing more than anyone I know (comparable to me), but it’s also possible that every one of his opponents would rather eat shit than lose a game of anything to him, and that includes just a friendly game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. CaptureGegger is, and always will be, the best athlete, as well as the best flag football quarterback, amongst our group of friends, and we all commend him for that. Cooooooooool, Ross. Good for you. But after throwing a couple costly picks late in the game last year and allowing my squadron to rip his heart out, Gegger will be out for blood this time around. Can he grab his second ever Turkey Bowl MVP and take home this year’s crown? Only time will tell, but I’m gonna toot my own little horn a bit and say no – not today, juniaa!

Alex Dobkin (a.k.a. Ehlix, a.k.a. Xanadu, a.k.a. Flopkin, a.k.a. The Kin, a.k.a. A lot of other things that aren’t appropriate for this innocent post): So much to say about Alexander Maxwell Dobkin, so little space. At a young age, Dobkin was your token chubby kid with uneccessarily large glasses, a borderline unibrow and minimal athleticism. He was big, and he could beat me up if he ever wanted to (although, let’s be honest, who can’t?), but he was never known for his on-the-field/court greatness. Then, junior year of high school happened, and something just unnamedclicked. All of a sudden, he was an unstoppable force in any and every sport he played, and it was beyond anyone’s explanation. The dude learned how to talk to girls, throw parties and play sports at an extremely high level all within the blink of an eye. He was always a great baseball hitter, but he then miraculously started throwing like 77 MPH fastballs to BGRA bums like it was nothing. He also began to completely dominate any and every big basketball game he played in and, above all else, he became one of the biggest flag football forces known to man. A Julius Peppers-type defensive lineman (pre-2013, of course), if you will, with a plastic flag tied to each hip. An absolute animal with crazy energy. I’m sure everyone is asking, “Why in god’s name would I sit here and try boosting an already massive ego?”, and the answer is simple: I want Dobkin on my Turkey Bowl team again, and I want him to play extra hard for his captain. He’s a former Turkey Bowl MVP and a force to be reckoned with, both offensively and defensively. We love running pick-and-roll together in pickup basketball games, and we especially love doing questionable touchdown dances together on Thanksgiving. It’s time for us to defend the rock.

Jonathan Stein (a.k.a Long Arm Stooch): The Turkey Bowl would have never happened if it weren’t for Stein. In 4th grade, he, his dad, Matt Kerbis and his dad started a Saturday flag football league, where all of our friends (I didn’t play until 5th grade) and some neighborhood kids would get together every Saturday and play flag football at Veterans Field, which is now referred to as Stein Field. Why? Because I said so. It was one of the main things we’d look forward to every week, talking each Friday about who would be on whose team, how many people would show up, etc. As you could have guessed, that’s when the Turkey Bowl was born. There was simply nothing better. Fast forward to 2013, and here we are, grown men (minus 544431_3066799390614_1119378118_nDobkin) still getting after it once a year on the best holiday in the world. Some of us don’t live in Chicago, almost none of us live in Buffalo Grove, but every single one of us manages to show up on Thanksgiving morning no matter what. Stein has never not been the first one out there, setting up the cones and handing out the flags. On top of his great manhood, he’s undoubtedly the best one-on-one defender in our group – the Darrelle Revis of flag football. He’s also a great receiver who owns solid hands and runs routes well, which is ultimately what led him to his first MVP award back in 2009. He has the longest arms for a 5’9 white guy that you’ve ever seen and, inch-for-inch, his wingspan makes Luol Deng look like.. well, look like just some guy with short arms. He’s as big a threat to take home the hardware as anyone, but with only two teams these days (we used to do three or four) and less targets to go around, Stein will likely have to put on one of his stout defensive performances to win.

Grant McNamara (a.k.a. G-Mac): After getting into a severe car accident back in 2011, G-Mac was told by his mother that he shall, under no circumstance, participate in the Turkey Bowl. What did he do? Naturally, he manned up, snuck out the door and trotted his way out onto that field. He10757_703449473057704_7885131430506444808_n then proceeded to take away some snaps at QB from me because he “couldn’t move much” (which makes no sense considering I’m out there running for my life with the Riskin/Lenny duo trying to rip my head off) and did flanavich at best (flanavich is a universal word for “eh” – thank you, Mike Seidmon). He then made his way out to wide receiver and ended up scoring two monstrous touchdowns, both of which were from well beyond midfield, and ended up winning his first MVP award in extremely emotional fashion. Heading into 2013, G-Mac is, once again, a threat to win MVP because of his big, tight-end frame and ball-hawking skills on the defensive end. Can it be done? Certainly. Will it be done? Me thinks UNTRUE.

The Darkhorses

Adam Silver (a.k.a. Silvs, a.k.a. Milver, a.k.a. Toilet Lips): It was Thanksgiving morning, 2006. Everyone decided that it was finally time to hand out an annual MVP award – something that can be cherished individually each year. Silver was always a good athlete – there was never a sport, besides Madden on Play Station, XBOX, or any gaming system for that matter, that he was bad at (if he played it). However, he was not viewed as a major threat to win the award, as he solidified himself as a solid role player on our SFFL (Stevenson Flag Football League) offensive line. Then, “The Silver Game” Capturehappened. He scored not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, but SEVEN touchdowns that day, which will forever go down as the greatest moment of his sporting career. He was simply unstoppable, and it was quite a frightening sight. You know what it’s like to see the Detroit Lions in the red zone, and you know exactly where the ball is going (spoiler alert: Calvin Johnson in the end zone), but the Bears still choose to go single coverage and let it happen anyways? That’s what it felt like being Silver’s opponent that day. It was miserable. But as anyone could have predicted, that was the peak of his career, and he hasn’t made much Turkey Bowl noise since then. For the rest of eternity, that game will be brought up each year, but until Silver proves he can perform at or near that level, his MVP awards will be few and far between.

Matt Riskin (a.k.a. Girthkin, a.k.a. Girthy, a.k.a. The Girth): Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Riskin is girthy. He’d have of us all believe that his 6’3, 240 (or 50, or 60? No one actually knows) pound frame is losing some of its girth, but until he refrains from eating six Lou Malnati’s deep dish slices in one sitting, or Capturejoining me on a Portillo’s run three times a week, this man will forever remain “The Girth.” He’s the strongest guy I know and an absolute man-child but, unfortunately, rarely ever ends up on my Turkey Bowl team. He chases my ass down on that football field, and being the brother he never had, he’s not afraid to put me on the ground if he can. Problem is, he can never sack me because I’m just too damn nifty for him, even after he nearly broke my kneecap one year by slamming me (may or may not have been soberly) into the frame of Dobkin’s bed the night before. But, he tries his best. In all seriousness though, I try to avoid rolling to his side of the line at all costs because I’m simply terrified at the thought of him Ndamokong Suh’ing me. Nevertheless, he is more than capable of recording a few sacks, and a touchdown or two off a roll-out near the goal-line is not inconceivable either. An MVP award is definitely within reach – unless it’s below 32 degrees, because his hands get too cold.

Lenny Goldman (a.k.a. Lennsterg, a.k.a. Loony): Speaking of Ndamokong Suh, the token Ginger in our group of friends, Lenny, is easily the most intimidating player out there (in my opinion). I always want him on my team because when he’s not, he genuinely wants to injure me. He ripped my brand new CaptureHollister shirt in a game of touch football in 7th grade; he nearly broke my ribs after completely lighting me up in a TOUCH football game in 8th grade; and, he called a defensive play in the 2011 Turkey Bowl to have him roll to my side and then lay me out when the opportunity arose. Being a former offensive line standout for the Stevenson football team, Lenny scares the shit out of me even though he’s a lovable teddy bear (MY lovable teddy bear) and everyone’s favorite red-head off the field. He also holds an MVP award of his own, but if he continues to show up in his dumb looking spandex and perform below Lenny standards, he will not sniff another MVP award. We shall see.

Josh Frydman (a.k.a. Biggie Fry, a.k.a. Bigmund Freud): There’s nothing I love more than seeing everyone at the Turkey Bowl – it’s unreal. But of all of them, Frydman is a guy I’m as excited to see as any. He’s moved from city to city trying to live out his dream and doing a damn good job too. I miss the man and his ridiculously hairy chest like crazy, and he will fortunately be able to make it this year to his second straight Turkey Bowl after Capturea two-year hiatus. A former Turkey Bowl quarterback himself, Biggie has played a little O-line/a little receiver now that we play one game with two teams, but he makes the most of it. He has great instincts and a phenomenal arm, which puts him in position to take some snaps and try to move his team downfield if/when Gegger or I struggle. A flea flicker involving Frydman is always a threat – I just hope that he’s throwing that bomb for my team if it happens. If he plays his cards right, the MVP could be his.

Zach Byk (a.k.a. Z-Byk, a.k.a. Z-Bo, a.k.a. Z-BUJHHHH): Talk about an athlete. Byk was a freakish athlete growing up, one of the best I’ve ever known, and he still has a lot of that athleticism from his filthy soccer skills. He was hands down the best flag football player in middle school because he wasCapture so goddamn fast – no one could come close to grabbing his flag, and it got to a point where it was just unfair. Punt returns, quarterback scrambles, wide receiver screens, half-back options, you name it – Byk would find the end zone nearly every time. However, he just hasn’t seemed to bring his best to the Turkey Bowl over the past several years – maybe because I have trouble getting him the ball enough with my noodle arm, maybe because more plays need to be run primarily for him. Whatever the case may be, Byk has all the potential in the world to win one of these things, and this year could be the year. If he can play like the Byk that we’ve all grown accustomed to seeing, limit his Bears/Bulls theories to a minimum and chill out on the below average look-a-likes, the MVP committee (Dobkin and Green) may decide to hand him the plaque – he just has to want it.

Jonathan Rubin (a.k.a. Rubes, a.k.a. Rubis Pubis, a.k.a. Doctal): Doctal Rubin is one of the best wide Capturereceivers in the game. He was Gegger’s go-to receiver during the last couple seasons of SFFL and has fantastic hands. So fantastic, in fact, that he has never once worn gloves of any sort at any time throughout his life, and that includes when it’s freezing cold on random Thanksgiving mornings. The man doesn’t feel pain and, though he’s possibly skinnier than I am, wouldn’t be afraid to go over the middle of the field in a tackle football game either. Rubin has a knack for picking off a pass or two each year, but the likeliest way for him to win MVP would be to score a couple of big-time touchdowns at wideout. Being a former standout starting pitcher for the Stevenson baseball team, I sense a potential Rubin-to-Levy-to-Rubin-to-(Insert receiver here) bomb in his immediate future. That could very well put him over the top.

Matt Kerbis (a.k.a. Kerby): Kerbis is a man amongst boys. Literally, he looks a good decade older than everyone (minus Riskin, maybe) and plays flag football like he’s Adrian Peterson. He’s Capturerelentless and quite dangerous – the lowered shoulder being his number one specialty. I’m more confident giving him a goal-line hand off and letting him bulldoze the middle of the line with it than I am watching Michael Bush attempt to do the same in a 4th-and-inches situation. He plays as hard as anyone out there and will no doubt win MVP one of these years because of it; he gives too much effort not to. The Pope may never shit in the woods, but there’s one thing you can always count on: Matt Kerbis giving 110% on Turkey Bowl Thursday and running straight through someone while he’s at it.

Mark Levitt (a.k.a. Novak Djokovic): Yes, he looks exactly like Novak Djokovic, but that’s not the point. Mark Levitt is the newest member of the Turkey Bowl crew, even though he’s not really new at all anymore. He moved to our town in 2004, befriended me and never looked back. He’s a very good athlete with great speed and agility. He’s also a Cardinals fan, which he loves to talk about, but doesn’t seem to 217737_1352885775205_6217169_nunderstand that no one in our circle gives a shit about the Cardinals. I’d rather stare at the Sun for a few seconds than have to see that ridiculous Fredbird doll sitting in his bedroom ever again, but I digress. Mark can break away for an 80 yard touchdown if given any space whatsoever, so he will always be a threatening MVP candidate. Unfortunately for him, half the MVP committee is made up of Josh Green, who happens to be a Cubs fan. If Mark can learn to take some time away from Fredbird and spend a little more time focusing on how he’s going to win his first MVP award, maybe he can put on a show and win Green’s heart over. I’d rather see him win the next 15 MVPs than see the Cardinals ever win another World Series in my lifetime, so if that’s at all possible, I’ll have to give my two cents to the committee starting now.

Steven Klein (a.k.a. Mista Stayve, a.k.a. Kloyn, a.k.a. Stehb Klehn): A premier athlete way, way Captureback in the day, the Son of Davi is no longer the stud muffin he once was. After kicking field goals for the Stevenson football team, he stopped playing sports pretty much altogether and seemed content sitting on his couch day in and day out “eating a sandwich” (see what I did there, How I Met Your Mother fans?). That’s fine, though, because Mista Stayve is one of the more entertaining people I know and a blast to hang out with. The problem is, his flag football skills are not what they used to be, but he still has the ability to play a decent safety in this game. He’s a great teammate and loves a good slap on the ass here and there, especially when he shows up on Thanksgiving in a full body suit of spandex. I enjoy having him on my team, and I enjoy his awesome mustache, amazing hair dos and preposterously hairy toes ten times more. Whether he brings his A-game to the field, I’m not sure, but a couple of (highly doubtful) interceptions and a touchdown could take him a long way.

The Longshots

Josh Green (a.k.a. G-Baby): There’s only one real reason why G-Baby finds himself on “The Longshots” list. Because he’s on the MVP Selection joshgreen1Committee, he’s the kind of person that would never give the award to himself even if he deserved it, unlike his colleague, Alex Dobkin, who would vote for himself even if he didn’t deserve it. Therefore, the chances of him winning the MVP award are slim. However, this is a guy that understands what it takes to win a game of flag football this day and age. Back in his prime, Green was one of the best middle linebackers in the game. He constantly puts his team first and limits himself to a defense-only role. He knows that he’s not quite big enough to guard “The Kin” duo on the offensive line and not quite fast enough to play wide receiver, so instead, he roams the middle of the field on defense and makes a Brian Urlacher-near-the-end-of-his-career-type impact (as opposed to a Brian Urlacher-in-his-prime-type impact back in high school). If I had to build a flag football dynasty, Green wouldn’t be one of my top picks anymore, but if I had to build a 16-inch softball dynasty, I’d pick him first ten times out of ten. That couldn’t be any more irrelevant, but it’s a fact. Green didn’t make much noise in last year’s game, but we’ll find out in two weeks whether he has the ability to display a little more Urlacher and a little less Hunter Hillenmeyer.

Lee Zucker (a.k.a. Linas Kleiza): Lee doesn’t really have a nickname, and I’ve only called him Kleiza a few times, so that was totally forced. I’m over it, leezuckerthough. Lee is one of the hardest workers year in and year out on the football field. He and Scott Bacalar (who I’ll get to soon) are hands down the two most underrated defensive ends in flag football history. Lee is a smaller guy who doesn’t possess a ton of speed, but he is constantly finding a way to get through the line and pressure the quarterback. He’s very sneaky and always comes out of nowhere. If I’m rolling right and find myself having to reverse direction to get to the other side of the field, Lee is never not there to meet me in the backfield. Sometimes he’s able to record a sack; other times, his cute little arms are just not enough for the Levy/Gegger quickness. Regardless, he’s a very valuable member of any team he’s put on because, like Green, he puts the team ahead of himself. If you want him to play a little offensive line and try chipping “The Girth,” he’ll do it. If you want him to snap the ball and stay in to block at all times, he’ll do it. Whatever the case may be, Lee won’t let you down. In order to win MVP, though, he needs more than the touch or two he typically gets on offense; otherwise, the committee will need to see a Robert Mathis-type performance to consider him.

Scott Bacalar (a.k.a. Cracks, a.k.a. Crackers): Aside from thinking about who will win MVP, the biggest question every year is “What dumb looking hat bacalar 1 will Cracks wear to this year’s Turkey Bowl?” One time, he showed up in something like a yellowish, wool, female hat with some number of cotton balls coming out the top and a brim that went around the hat. Something that a Polish cleaning lady would never even consider wearing. Another time, he showed up in a smaller version of THIS. As you’d have guessed, both hats belonged to his mother. If I had to paint you a picture of what an idiot looks like (not like you’d ever ask me to do that), I would paint you a picture of Cracks wearing his oversized sweatshirt, oversized sweatpants and one of those two hats. But like I mentioned before, as stupid as he looks in each of those things, Cracks is just as underrated a defensive lineman. Besides Dobkin, Cracks shockingly leads the Turkey Bowl in sacks (based on my ridiculous memory), and I secretly always want him on my team (cat’s outta the bag, boys). I never seem to get him though, probably because Gegger secretly feels the same exact way as I do. He’s probably the slowest player out there, but he does all the dirty work. He’s just flat out good at rushing the quarterback, and he’s somehow even better at grabbing flags while diving or when they seem so far out of reach. I try telling myself that if I can beat Cracks around the edge when scrambling, I should be able to pick up solid yardage. Yet, he just never freakin’ goes away. On offense, he’s great at rolling off the line, catching the ball with his chest and picking up five yards here, ten yards there. The one thing he has working against his MVP candidacy? Dobkin could never live with himself if he gave Cracks the award, and it would haunt him for a long, long time. If he deserves it though, a re-vote amongst the committee (and some outsiders) may come into play. But chances? Remote.

Bryant Donnowitz (a.k.a. B-Donn): Whether B-Donn shows up to the Turkey Bowl this year is a mystery to us all, as he has by far the worst annual bryantattendance – it really all depends on how hungover he is on Thursday morning. If he didn’t get lucky on Wednesday night, he’ll likely show up, touch me a lot (full disclaimer: I’m just as guilty) and screw around the whole time. If he did get lucky on Wednesday night, he won’t show up at all. It’s really hit or miss. Thing is, flag football has never really been B-Donn’s thang anyways. He’s been a hockey player his whole life, so his lack of motivation to play a minimal contact sport (our game definitely has maximum contact compared to other flag football games – just sayin’) is justified. It would be a major surprise to see him show up AND dominate the Turkey Bowl because his attention span is comparable to that of a seven –year-old, but if he digs in and really puts his mind to it, there’s no reason B-Donn can’t put up some solid numbers.

Seth Birkan (a.k.a. Sooth): There are few people I ever want on my team as I much as I want Seth. One of the funniest guys I know, Seth is arguably sethTHE best offensive lineman in the Turkey Bowl, drawing comparisons to Jonathan Ogden strictly for his African descent (Seth is South African). He doesn’t have a ton of size, and he doesn’t have any speed whatsoever (literally none), but he somehow manages to stand his ground unlike any tackle I know. Unlike some linemen who block for half a second and then roll out hoping for a pass (Dobkin, echem), Seth never leaves his assignment until someone gets past him, which is rare. Having great offensive linemen in flag football is as valuable as having great offensive linemen in the NFL. No one wants to go through what Jay Cutler has endured over the years, and that includes both me and Gegger. That’s where Seth has found his niche. I’m hoping to steal him in this year’s draft, but it’s safe to say that his ceiling as an MVP candidate could not be lower. A few pancakes here and there and an unexpected touchdown will do him no harm.

Drew Hackman (a.k.a. Frew): You don’t know a great man until you’ve met Drew Hackman. I know Drew showed up to last year’s Turkey Bowl (he drew1always does), but it’s quite possible he doesn’t show up this year (he’s a huge “Maybe” guy with Facebook events). In any event, he’s still a good Samaritan. Had he been with Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine in part one of “The Finale” episode, there’s no chance in hell that any of them would’ve landed in prison like they did. Drew would’ve helped that poor, morbidly obese fellow from getting robbed, and the Seinfeld clan would’ve lived happily ever after… but they didn’t. If Drew does happen to make it there on Thanksgiving morning, I’d imagine that he’ll need at least two big touchdowns to win himself MVP. He’s got the speed, but he’s never had the touches. Maybe, just maybe, things will go his way this year.

Ben Gleicher (a.k.a. DJ Marshmallow): DJ Marshmallow is another great man who really knows how to spin a disc. He knows everything there is to benknow about music, which is quite impressive, and he’s always down for a good time. Unfortunately for him, that knowledge of music doesn’t happen to translate to the football field. Gleicher’s one of those guys that everyone enjoys seeing and is happy to have on their team. He’ll do whatever’s asked of him, get dirty if he needs to, and catch the ball when thrown to. But when it comes down to it, it’s very difficult to see Gleicher ever contending for a MVP award unless he goes all Adam Silver circa 2006 on us. That being said, stranger things have happened.

Daniel Cohen (a.k.a. Cohen): Cohen is the first cousin of Alex Dobkin, and they could not be more opposite. All throughout our younger years, Cohen cohenwas always the number one victim of Dobkin’s bullying. Throw him on the roof of our Camp Chi cabin and launch shoes and other large items at him so he could never get down? Check. De-pants him in places where actual people are around? Check. Attempt borderline illegal wedgies until the ass hole bled (I’m also a victim of such foul activity)? Check. Throw the high school party of the year at HIS house without his permission? Check. What does this have anything to do with the Turkey Bowl? Nothing, but it will never get old. If Cohen wants to win MVP, a lot will have to go right. He’s unquestionably the best long-distance runner in this group and is fast as shit, but we’re not anticipating any Forrest Gump-type performance. A couple streaks down the sideline may do the trick for him, but one must remember that his cousin (and now roommate) does indeed have half the say in the MVP conversation. He’ll need to get the ball time and again and play flawlessly on defense in order to win this thing.


Sean Saltzberg (a.k.a. Salty): I love Sean like a brother. He’s hilarious, entertaining and always down for whatever. Him and I always had two of the seanbiggest tempers growing up and fought a lot – always over sports. But it was always he who got in trouble at school, whether it be him lying about drawing with craypon on the new Tripp School carpets and blaming it on me, pushing the Assistant Principal into the lunchroom garbage can, having a fist fight with Andrew Ulm in front of the entire third/fourth grade, getting daily detentions, etc. He enjoys living on the edge, and that’s what makes him Salty. The point of all this, you ask, is to demonstrate that the rebellious actions he has displayed throughout his life are what has led to his rebellious attitude towards the Turkey Bowl. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be there – he really enjoys coming and being with all the boys – it’s that he just doesn’t care much anymore. Salty was recognized as a very good athlete for a long time and even considered himself the Randy Moss of our flag football team (which was pretty accurate). But now, just getting him to show up to the game in something other than blue jeans is a lot to ask. Drafting him last overall has become a running joke amongst all of us, which he knows, but he’s got top-notch potential if he were to give a couple shits. Until that happens, though, Salty stands no chance at winning MVP, even though Green would get quite a bit of pleasure out of handing it to him.

Ryan Fox (a.k.a. Foxy, a.k.a. Fox Train): Last year was the first time in a long time that Foxy chose to sit out the annual Turkey Bowl extravaganza. Hefox did, however, find it within himself to walk 100-some feet from his driveway (he lives across from the field, as do half these guys) to the field and watch the game while catching up on some Pharmacy reading. Overrated? Absolutely. But until I know that Fox is gonna show up to actually play, dust off the ole’ Vans (he doesn’t wear cleats) and prove he’s got a mean bone or two hidden under that soft skin, I just can’t move him out of this category. Fox is, without question, the best non-sports video game player I will ever come across, but when it comes to flag football, a MVP award could be near impossible for him to come by. If he shows up and gets drafted by me, I will do everything in my power to get him on the board, because any touchdown dance involving Fox could easily turn into a YouTube sensation.


Champion: My team (awbvi).

MVP: Winning back-to-back MVPs in this game is more difficult than winning back-to-back NBA MVP’s, and I’m not quite LeBron or MJ. Zach Byk takes it home.

MVP Runner-Up: Jonathan Rubin. 2 interceptions and a touchdown. He’ll make things wicked close.


About Adam Levy

Adam Levy is a diehard sports fan and grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. After graduating with a Master's Degree from Indiana University, he began working at a consulting firm in the loop. In his spare time, he watches sports, re-watches Seinfeld episodes for the 23rd time, plays pickup basketball, competes in sports leagues during the summer, and overvalues all of the players on his fantasy teams. He is extremely passionate about his teams and will likely be found curled up in the fetal position on his bed, crying and cursing after significant losses. If you like his insight, feel free to comment, follow him on Twitter @ChiCityBS, or email him at aplevy1@gmail.com.

Posted on November 15, 2013, in Bears and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Saved as a favorite, I really like your web site!

  2. You should take part in a contest for one of the finest blogs on
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  3. Ross the best athlete? Laughable. My Keith traylor like body would pancake Ross to the turf and we’d have to peel him off

  4. Former BGRA great RJ Towner comin’ out of the woodworks to hate on Feldgreber? I love it – and quite frankly, I couldn’t agree more.

  5. Man I’m 1000x better than Ross at everything. I still remember when he chucked a ball at me one time and stormed out of the gym @ BGFC because I was utterly embarrassing him on the court. And when I horse collar tackled him in SIFL. Man I hate Ross. BIRDMAN BIRDMAN

  6. I also would like to make one thing very clear: Matt Riskin is a filthy ape. A silverback, to be precise. Riskyman55. Man I’m fat.

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